How to expect when you're not expecting...

It has been a long time since I’ve written on this blog.  Life has just been a special kind of crazy this last year.  I’m only a year away from finishing my degree.  I have no idea when I’m going to be able to go to school and finish that year though.  

I think I explained this on my very first blog post, but ‘Nikkie’ is just a nickname of mine.  A nickname I’m very fond of, but a nickname all the same.  I think that everyone that reads this blog is aware of this, and is also aware that my first name is Alicia.  My name has 3 meanings depending on what culture you look at, the meanings attributed to it are: Sweet, Nobility (or Noble humor), Honesty/Truth.  It was that last meaning that my parents focused on my whole life, so I’ve learned to be ridiculously honest.  Sometimes overly blunt unfortunately, but that is who I am.  

I make mention of this because I’m about to be totally blunt and honest.  

I have a little announcement, I’m pregnant.

Yes, I’m having my third child.  A bit sooner than I had planned.

The two electric ones did say 'PREGNANT' on them, but
batteries must've died...
I probably could've stopped with the first 2...

I have so many conflicting emotions right now.  I wasn’t planning on being pregnant yet.  I have 1 year left of school, and as it is the last year of my program it is a very difficult year.  I cannot imagine doing my senior project while caring for an infant.  The two kids I have are old enough that they are fairly self sufficient.  Since I started this program when my son was almost 1 I can say in all honesty, I know exactly how difficult it is to balance a baby and school.  I’ve done it twice now.  The thought of going through that kind of stress and guilt again is not appealing.  At the same time, I cannot be out of school for long, for a variety of reasons.  One being that the program could change again, could might be to soft of a term.  It will likely change again.  I could just apply for my BS degree, I have the credits for that, but I was going after the BFA and I’ve worked way too hard to not just push through my last year of school.  My tentative plan for school now is to go back next Spring (2017) and finish up in 3 semesters.  Why 3 when I only have a year left?  I cannot afford the time, I’ll have 3 kids.  One first grader, one pre K and one infant…. 6 credits is all I will be able to handle at a time.  We’ll see how life actually pans out.  

So school is a big part of my conflicting emotions.  I had such firm plans that I am not emotionally prepared for another kidlet.  I do not resent this kid.  I want to put that out there.  I could see how one could get that vibe, I don’t I’m happy to add another person to our little family.  Be that as it may I’m still frustrated.  Pregnancy is awful to me.  I have no energy, I get sick at the drop of a hat.  I feel nauseated 24/7… I’ve literally spent the last 2 months in bed getting up only when I had to.  It’s hard.  I’m officially in my second trimester and I am starting to feel a little better, I still have all day sickness, but I can cope with it better.  I have a little more energy, the past 2 days I’ve been able to sit up and get stuff done instead of just laying around feeling like crap.  I have 6 more months left until I have the baby, and right now that feels like an eternity.

I’ve not announced this pregnancy before now because I honestly didn’t want to deal with people congratulating me.  Or asking me how I’m feeling.  There is a part of me that just doesn’t want to say anything ever and just throw a family picture up next February with a ‘hey look, there are 5 of us now’.  I’m announcing mostly because I know people do care.  

But please don’t ask me how I’m doing.  I’ll tell you right now, and this will be true for the rest of my pregnancy.  I’m so tired, I’m sick, I’m overly emotional to a degree that makes my teenage self look sane.  I’m overwhelmed, I’m frustrated.  I’m happy to have a baby, but there is nothing else about pregnancy that is good or great.  I was 100 pounds overweight when I got pregnant, I was actually working on an exercise and diet plan to drop at least 50 of those this year.  My plan being that if I lost 50lbs a year for the next 2 years then I could get pregnant and reduce the inevitable health issues I have every time I’m pregnant.  I have ‘pregnancy brain’ to a frightening degree.  I forget so much right now,  I mix up words… I’m having to write everything down and hope that I look at my lists.  

I’m more than a little nervous about raising another baby.  Sure, the first 2 lived and seem to be pretty rational human beings (as rational as a 6 and 3 year old can be).   Babies are so hard.  They need so much.  They also develop so fast and it’s exciting to see them learn and accomplish things that are so ridiculously difficult, feeding themselves, walking, talking…. All of these things that all of us adults just take for granted.  Babies are amazing.  They also need 24 hour help.  That is part of what made school so hard with the other 2.  My dear daughter still wakes up at night screaming.  I know she was/is a harder baby than most.  I’m not sure that I get easy babies though, so I’m kind of bracing myself for that.  

So that is where I’m at in life right now.  

I’m still working on getting my art career off the ground.  I’m finally able to sit up and draw again so I hope that means I can maybe possibly get stuff up on a website that I could potentially sell.  

I’ve got so much to do…

For my home I need to get caught up and stay caught up on chores…

I need to figure out where the baby is going for the first six months.

I need to figure out my kids bedroom, again…

I need to update my portfolio and re-apply for the BFA program this fall…

Then I need to start on my senior project.

That’s me, that’s life and that is why I’ve seemed to be dead for the past 3 months… I kinda have been.

~Nikkie

Oh PS I had a sonogram of ‘Peanut’ (the nickname my son has given our little baby) I was going to post it along with this, I cannot find it for the life of me.  Yay pregnancy brain…

Bloggering

So I've obviously completely abandoned the idea of doing a 365 blog challenge on this blog made to be full of random lifeness.  For 2 reasons.  1- often the things I want to write about are to mundane or I simply cannot think of anything and 2- when I do have something to say generally it is so controversial all I can think of is 'Well So-in-so will probably agree, but so-in-so will have a lot to say.  Then I'll have a lot of passive aggressive comments for subject x and I'll have to address them... what happens when people I know start fighting each-other?'  And so on... my thought process usually ends with 'I really like all of my friends who come from incredibly diverse backgrounds- so I will not write about [this subject].  I wonder if we have stuff to make Tacos... I love tacos...'  (and now my picture makes sense :D)

Of course I do like writing about my family- but you hear so many stories about sex trafficking and stalking and stealing of cute kid photos to use on fetish sights... etc.   This leads to another problem... I have a private family blog that I sometimes update- by sometimes I mean I think it's been 2 years since I've touched it.  The problem with that is that under bloggers current rules you can only have
like 50 people on your list- then it starts kicking people off :P  (googles quickly to make sure that is still true) Ok I looked it up apparently it is 100 followers on a private blog.  That might be enough- I'm not really that social of a person when it comes to private life.  Though it appears that there may be less restrictions with private blogs on tumblr or wordpress.  So I'll have to look into it.

With that said if anyone is interested in my family I'm going to start posting weekly in a journal-scrapbook like fashion to my family blog.  Let me know and I'll add your email address to the list (provided you are a close friend or family member- if you are someone I don't know- then no; I will not add you- seems fair I think)

From here on out I'm just going to write a loose list of things I've been thinking about.

• I want to start dancing again- I think I will; but I really need to slim down so I don't blow out my knees (despite some lengthy post someone I don't know wrote on the subject- I legitimate would blow out my knees; the extra weight I'm carrying+plus the fact that I have very little cartilage to begin with would in fact damage me)
• I'm going to start running to lose weight.  'cause I love me; but don't care for my luv handles
  
  (ha ha ha I'm so punny)
• I need to start writing again.  I think I will; if I do and I make a private blog to share my stories- would people be willing to read and critique? (and obviously not plagiarize)
• My home is clean enough that cleaning my home is no longer a long sought after dream (if you don't remember what my apartment used to look like... I did a post a while back but am to lazy to look it up)
• So far this is turning into a long rambley to-do list.  
• I'm really happy that my home is pretty much clean/organized after so many chaotic moves.
• My daughter turns 3 tomorrow; and I'm just kinda in shock about that- 'cause I kinda cannot believe that it has been 3 years since I had her... at the same time a TON has happened in that time.

I'm going to bed now; 'cause it is late.

~Nikkie

Clarinet Sketch

Rough Sketch of yesterday's photo

clearly I spent most of my time on the clarinet itself- I need to redraw the speaker and the ribbon as well.

This sketch is 6x8 inches; going to do a few more studies on the ribbon and speaker... then draw a 12x16 inch final drawing and then paint it :D

~Nikkie

Clarinet Photo

I'm working on a new sketch- and took some photos for it tonight.

I've neglected my poor little clarinet; I must find time to practice again; but for now- I'll draw it :D

~Alicia

Playing at the Park with a camera

I've been a grump the last couple of months and am doing my best to battle past that and get more 'positivity' into my life.  With that depression comes neglecting of things I love- (don't worry I still take care of my family) but this blog has been neglected.  I am determined to make my goal of 365 entries; so I shall.  

In other news- I'm trying to learn how to use my camera again; so I took the kids and my camera to a park and shot some photos.  I barely know how to use the thing now!! (as you can telll; the 'great' pictures there are happy accidents) however I am determined to re-learn how to shoot properly.  

My son is a total ham as you can tell from every picture I took of him- my daughter is also a ham- but still young enough that she doesn't get super self-conscious when the camera is out.  

My favorite one by far is the photo of Avi as she just reaches the bottom of the slide.  I lucked out and captured a great expression- also the time of day (around 6ish) helped as well as where that slide was located.

It was pretty fun- I look forward to improving my photography skillz.

~Nikkie

Haha- another post about cleaning

So I've been unpacking and sorting our stuff everyday for the past year and a half- I finally feel like I'm making some progress- not that I haven't been but I've not seen a lot of evidence of it.

(side note- the pictures i'm using in here reflect more of my feeling towards the project in general- also how I felt this morning when first started on all of this)

SO my update on this ongoing saga of chores...

I can call the kids room officially done.  All of their toys have a place; the furniture is arranged in a very efficient and functional fashion- and most importantly the kids like they way the room looks and feels. :)

Our 'master' bedroom is officially done- David's office is integrated into the room in such a way that he has space and it feels office-ish- while the rest of the bedroom feels like a bedroom.  I feel like this is a HUGE accomplishment for that room since it's just a little over 100 square feet.  Also have the bed set up so I can put storage containers underneath it... although I'm going to need to do some repairs to the bed frame.  (more on that later)  And also found another storage spot behind the door- which allows the door to open comfortably while stacking a few plastic bins behind it.

Bathroom... I think it's done- I've thought this before- but I think the set up of shelves and mobile towel racks in a way that best utilizes the space without shrinking the room much smaller than it is.

The last two- the living room is pretty much done but needs to be better cleaned and the kitchen is in a similar fashion- though right now I need to integrate a dinning area into it.  (The kitchen serves as kitchen and laundry room- so what is one more function?)

That is the truth of most of the rooms actually- I try to make the little apartment sound bigger by giving each area (some as small as 20 square feet) big pompous sounding names.  It makes me happy :D

Then there is my office... Which is WAY better than it used to be... but still kind of a terrifying mess of boxes and... stuff...

I'm really hoping I can have all of this done by the end of February :)  I've been using every Tuesday as a big cleaning day- not really intentionally; but it has just worked out that Tuesday's are a really good day for deep cleaning.

Well that is it for today- I know not really an exciting post; but it's a little slice of my life- which is really what this blog is all about.

~Nikkie

Fav Song

One of the catch-up posts I did recently was about a favorite or important band.  I talked about the Moody Blues.  Since I've neglected today's post until just this very second I thought I'd share my absolute favorite Mood Blues song.  Enjoy :D

~Nikkie

Check in :)

I'm trying to get caught up- it is more difficult then I thought it would be since I've missed practically all of January.  I'm trying to get into a grove where I make time to post every day- it's just hard- as I discovered last year.
So for catching up I'm going through a generic blog challenge and answering several of the prompts on it.

I'm not asnwering all of the questions on it- just the ones that interest me.  At the end of this month I'll post a list with all of the questions I listed and corresponding blog posts- that way if there is something on the list that you particuarly care about reading you can without sifting through the entire blog.  This will save you time as I'm the worst at remembering to label my posts.

I'm only 11 days behind (as of this exact moment) So with consistent posting over the next few days I should be able to catch up no problem.

I still want to try the photography thing- but right after I made that declaration I really didn't take many pictures- outside of the ones of my daughter for a recent assignment. Go Figure.

I've been having the most difficult time managing my time this semester.  Because I'm both WAY busy and not busy- simultaneously.  I think more than anything I'm being thrown by how much of my time is mine right now.  I still spend 2 days a week on campus and I try to get homework done while I'm there- not that there isn't still plenty to do when I get home... But when I get home I'm in a weird sort of twilight universe- the last few semesters I've had a project due every 3-5 days it seemed (seriously that frequently) Sometimes I'd have 3 assignements due on the same day.  (last semester I literally did 42 different pieces of art)  I already know I'm going to have a grand total of 20 assignements for the semester; and the time requirements on most of them is a lot less then what I'm used to spending.  

Basically I have time to really work on my own projects (portfolio, websites, blogs, graphic novel... etc.) and can actually keep up with housework now (really I'm still playing catch up- not sure if I'm truely going to feel like I'm 'on top' of housework for at least another month or so).

So I'm kinda in lost puppy mode.  I need to schedule out my days better 'cause right now I'm wating a LOT of time.   And not even in a good way- like by playing a video game, reading or playing with my kids... I'm like sitting and stairing- confused as to what to do with myself; which is dumb- I have a LOT of things that I need to do...

So this is a new challenge.  

One of the things I'm doing to combat that is forcing myself to spend time cleaning my office.  SO it is a more functional room- I have it laid out a lot better now then I ever have before.  It's just a process of finding where everything goes.  Harder then it sounds. I have a rough idea of where everything goes; but there are a few odds and ends that I need to put away.  (I'm writing this on my ipad- and just now blogger has decided that it would be funny to pop the screen between the top of this entry and where I'm typing at every third letter.  I type fast- and am getting nausiated... switched from the actual Blogger to the Blogger app... stopped jumping now; but it has other annoyances. :P)

ANyway- what was Italking about? Oh yea- being lost and unproductive.

Not much more to say on it- but I need to be better about time management.  It is just a matter of *doing* something every day... The problem is my mornings- when I don't have somewhere to get to first thing I tend to be very lazy.  So I need to come up with SOMETHING to do first thing (not exercise; that can be second thing- for some reason the idea of popping out of bed and working out makes me want to snuggle in my blankets more.)  

I'm just thinking outloud right now.  This is definitly more of a journal entry today and less of a blog post.  It's cool when people are able to just write a rant that sounds more like an article- I feel like I need a lot of preparation to do that.  Of course they aren't writing every day (usually)

Well I'm off to do something else.

~Nikkie

Blurb about Photography... and my frustrations with my skillz.

After the past 3 days my dream house that I'm designing will now have a photo studio in it.  Like my office will have an area dedicated in it for setting up photo shoots.  It is just to frustrating to take good pictures in a home.  Controlling the lighting is awful.  I need to get to Lowes or Home Depot and get some lights... but in the mean time- I'm rigging up lamps and covering white surfaces with blankets (to minimize light bouncing back into the photo)

My daughter was the subject for the recent photo shoots; and she helped as much as any 2 year old girl can help.  

From the first shoot this: 

Was really the only good shot I got.  It's pretty and a nice portrait; not helpful though as my assignment is to do a full figure study.  

The thing I learned that night was that I really need to brush up on photography.  I've gotten lazy about practicing and learning and I've lost a LOT of knowledge that I used to have about taking pictures.  This actually channels the focus of my blog a little bit more- now I have a really good reason to take photos every day :D.

The photos from the first session were unusable- so we tried again.  With better results!! She was a lot more cooperative and I had brushed up on some camera terms so I was able to adjust lighting better.

I'm not posting any of that to this blog right now- once I'm finished with the drawing I'm going to write a long entry on my art blog talking about the process of going from thumbnail to finished drawing.  Or at least the process for this piece.

~Nikkie

Rocky Start

Honestly I'm little concerned about this 365 post thingy when I'm off to such a bad start.  Deep

Breath; ok- I'm going to make time for this!!
I love writing so I don't have an excuse in that way.
My biggest excuse is what I mentioned last time I wrote- I've been re-arranging furniture.  Things are settling in and starting to be more organized- so I won't have that time sink anymore.
Also I'm looking for blog challenges- if anyone knows of any (I think I've asked this before- for sure on facebook not sure if I have on the blog) let me know! I know of the A-Z challenge for April; and I know there are others- but I'm having a hard time really finding any.  Let me know in the comments if you know of any fun ones.

In the mean time- over the next few days I'm going to take more photos- I've been neglecting this because of organizing- and am going to do a 2 week 'get to know you' challenge.  Since even my family might not know everything about me.  Some of the questions I'm going to be going over I've answered last year- but I think I'm going to go ahead and answer them again- sometimes things change over time :D

~Nikkie

Re-arranging home again

First off- forgive the blurry pictures; my phone's camera has a damaged lens- and I haven't figured out how to fix it.  

So that dresser I was so proud of moving into my office- I moved it out; and up to my sisters bedroom.  Now I have a big hole where the dresser used to be and am puzzling as to how to organize my office from here.

That is really all I have to say about today.

peace

~Nikkie

Random Thoughts

I don't see how this post can be anything but random- I don't have anything really organized in my head right now.

So it's the first month of my 365 challenge and already I'm a week behind- so I'm posting today so I do not get more behind.  My goal for this weekend: not to get further behind and to catch up (I'll post date the entries- so it'll LOOK like I stayed caught up.  Bwa ha ha ha ha.... seriously I'm only doing it for my own organizational purposes.)

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.
Honestly it's hard to keep up with everything so I got this:

Isn't it cute?

At the moment it is my life journal.  You can kinda read the flimsy tags sticking out of it (soon to be replaced with higher quality platic post its) But I track my schedule, assignments, sketchbook, my husbands schedule, my kids schedule, my blogs (that is a recent addition), etc.

All so I can stay on track with everything going on right now.

So this month I'm frantically trying to get 2 pieces together to enter the Society of Illustrators Student competition and the Spectrum Annual.  Honetly I'm not sure I have a prayer of getting in to either- also not sure if I'm going to get my pieces finished- but I'm trying!!! Next year I'm not going to be so last minute in my decision to apply... it is what it is I guess- at this point all I can really do is work for it.  

I'm also freaking out a little bit about my pending application to the BFA program at my school.  I don't know why I'm worrying about it- I'm not applying to get in this semester.  Well I'm applying to get in- but I won't be heart broken if I don't get in this semester.  The biggest reason I'm applying is so that I can apply in the fall (you can only apply in the fall if you've put in an application in the spring).  That will give me the summer to refine things.  It would be nice to get in on the first application- but I'm not holding my breath for it.  I've gotten a lot better over the last few years- but I'd hardly say I'm at the level I need to be in order to qualify for the BFA.  At least not in my paintings skills.  In my drawing skills I'm probably at the low end of what they are looking for.

SO I CAME UP WITH A BRILLIANT IDEA WHILE TYPING ALL OF THIS.  I take a lot of photos anyway- so I think I'm going to post a photo a day with a small blurb.  At the very least that is- that way I'll always have *something* I can post about- and post quickly about as well in most cases.  

So this year I'm looking for blog challenges- if you know of any please let me know in the comments.  I'm going to be participating for sure in the A-Z challenge.  It'll be art related; I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to be doing on this blog- but on my Art Blog I'm going to be creating an Alphabet Book and posting one page a day- at the end of April I'll be publishing it to amazon e-books if anyone wants to purchase it.  If I can make enough money that way I'll look into what it takes to publish it physically.  I'm still playing with ideas for a theme- but since my kids and I are fantasy nuts it'll probably be fairy-tale-ish.  We'll see.  That also is going to have a section in my notebook pretty soon.  

That concludes my random assortment of thoughts.  

~Nikkie

Favorite books?

Tricky…

I love JRR Tolkien- and for some reason have never really found his books that dry.  I love pretty

much anything fantasy and have been devouring all of the Brandan Sanderson books.  My husband finally got me to read the Wheel of Time.  Of course Chronicles of Narnia as well… I also like reading classics- Charles Dickens, Victor Hugo, Little Women, Jane Austin, etc. 

When it comes to reading I’m kinda like I am with music- I love just about everything so it’s hard to choose a real favorite book.  Or favorite books.  I can narrow down a favorite genre easier- that would be Fantasy.  Science Fiction would be a close second and historical fiction…

I’m a book worm.  Though I don’t have as much time to read anymore- I do listen to a LOT of audio books.

~Nikkie

What band or musician is most important to you?

Probably the Moody Blues- I discovered their music when I was 12 or so and quickly became obsessed.  I love the combination of orchestrated and traditional rock band that they use for a lot of their music.  Also just the sheer variety within their music.

When I was 19 and first on my own I had a hard time. Not being away from my family or anything- but I was struggling with my depression and my roommates were very stressful people to live with.  So life was unpleasant.

Then one day out of the blue 3 of my best friends showed up on my doorway- It was really cute.  I was so happy to see them; and they announced that they were taking me to a Moody Blues concert the next day.  It was amazing- I think we were the youngest people there.  I don’t think I have an

found this photo online- it probably wasn't the concert I was at;
but the stage is set up similarly

photos from this event- cameras were still primarily film at the time and I don’t know that any of us thought to bring one… I’ll have to check with them.

They drove me down to Vegas and we got to see the show.  I was in heaven!!! It was really really amazing.  I know I still have the ticket around here somewhere- maybe I can find it and scan it in.

The band has continued to be one of my favorites of all time. 

~Nikkie

5 places I want to visit

I wonder if the world could count as a place?

Let’s see…

1- Italy
The architecture and the art there- I’ve always wanted to visit and just explore and draw.

2- France
For pretty much the same reasons I want to go to Italy

3- Ireland
My heart has always been drawn to Ireland- someday I’ll visit there

4- Germany
I want to see the old castles and structures

5- UK
Again for writing, photographing, drawing, visiting runes… castles… etc

~Nikkie

10 Likes and 10 Dislikes

I’ve certainly posted about this before- but here we go…

We’ll start with the positive things (in no particular order)

1- Strawberries
2- Reading
3- Dancing
4- Hiking
5- Drawing/Painting- ART
6- Cross-stitching
7- Singing
8- Having a clean home (though I’m not the best at keeping it clean)
9- Music- of nearly any variety
10- Writing

Now for the dislikes

1- Being told what to do
2- Cleaning/Chores
3- Being sad…
4- Mean people (also rude people)
5- Driving on the freeway
6- Trying new foods- but I do force myself to do that one
7- Being sick (yea this is true for everyone; but I get sick a lot it seems…)
8- Feeling useless
9- Mangos
10- Cooking….

My dislikes are a little more abstract- go figure lol.

~Nikkie

Things about ME!

Yes I know I’ve done this before- but here I go again.

I need to draw a new doodle of myself lol

The writing prompt was ‘Write some basic things about yourself’

I am 31 years old (as of yesterday) I have amazing blue eyes and dark blond hair.  Yes it is blond not brown :D This was actually the subject of much debate for awhile… but it turns out I’m just a very dark blond and not a brunette.  Explains a lot I think ;D

I have 2 beautiful kids; Evan who is 5 and Avi who is 2.5 (the .5 makes a big difference!!)  They are fantastic children.  Difficult children- but fantastic all the same.  I feel lucky to be their mommy and have them in my life.

I’m in college working on a BFA in Illustration.  There is a story behind this- which I’ll write about later :D. 

I married my best friend- which has been wonderful and been very helpful in getting us through some really tough parts of life. 

I am also a member of the LDS church- another thing I love about my life.

Keeping the post basic- I feel like I’ve covered pretty much everything.

~Nikkie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

I had more to say until I sat down to say it- it's been long wonderful day.  I got to draw, got to see friends, got to eat dinner with my husband, got to see Into The Woods...

Seriously just a fantastic day.

Now it is late- and I'm going to bed.  I'll do a more satisfying entry sometime this weekend.

~Nikkie

Cool Moms

Only 6 days into the new year and I'd already fallen 5 days behind on my blog.  So I played catch up today.  Hopefully I can stay on top of it... for at least the next week anyway :D

So this showed up in my facebook feed today:

and I watched it.

I have to say this was one of the most amazing silly music videos I've ever seen.  The thing I liked the best about it was how different each of the moms was in the video, I loved how each took a turn lip syncing to the song.  This is why:

The video was really honest about each woman's strengths and weaknesses- It was a perfect example to me of what makes all of us unique.  For me I read mom blogs and get to see all of the glowing amazing things about the women that I'm reading about and am just floored.

I'll have all sorts of thoughts running through my head:

"I wish I could make an amazing meal like that... I think we're having marie calendars instant dinner again..."
"she made that outfit for her kids? That is amazing... have I done laundry today?"
"every picture on here makes her family look so well groomed... hmmm... wonder when I last gave my kids a bath."

After awhile of reading through all of these different blogs I start to create this super mom and then impose this image of amazingness over all of my friends, acquaintances and random women that I read about online.  Of course this makes me feel inadequate and a bit resentful to all of the 'perfect' women that I'm surrounded with.  'specially since I'm anything but perfect- and I let my my imperfections wave in the wind for everyone to see.

I'm hate cleaning- but I want a clean home.
I'm hate cooking- but want healthy homemade meals.
I haven't sewn anything in forever (not totally true... but true enough)- but I want to have nice homemade things
The walls in my home are currently unadorned- I have a plan to fix this but haven't gotten to it.
I'm lucky if I get a shower in during the day- and I haven't worn makeup in years...
Every now and then I fight with my kids... (not physically- but we have wars of wills constantly)

It's life- and it is normal.  There are also things I'm really good at.

The women in this video all have different 'cool' things that they do and bring to the table- and if they just compare there weaknesses to the other moms strengths- then yea; you'll never feel like a 'cool mom' but if you can remember there are things that you are good at as well then you can appreciate the strengths in others.

~Nikkie

First Day of School

Quick blurb right now

Advanced Figure Drawing is going to be awesome- I'm extra excited for it after going to class.  I've taken the class before (this is one that you can take 2 times for credit) I spent most of the time I wasn't in class today working on a sketch for that class.  It is kind of embarrassing how long it has been since I've seriously studied the human figure.  Thankfully it seems to be coming back to me.

Drawing 1 will be pretty great- we're going over a bunch of basic techniques- but the way the instructor is teaching the class he can tailor it to each student easily- so people like me who have been drawing for awhile will still be challenged while the people who haven't been drawing forever will be challenged on their level.

~Nikkie