1. the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.
2. the terminal point in a race.
3. a pole, line, or other marker by which such a point is indicated.
4. an area, basket, cage, or other object or structure toward or into which players of various games attempt to throw, carry, kick, hit, or drive a ball, puck, etc., to score a point or points.
5. the act of throwing, carrying, kicking, driving, etc., a ball or puck into such an area or object.
I'm sure by now anyone reading this is like 'doesn't she have something better to post about/when is she going to get done???'
Imagine if you will a home where instead of packing nicely and moving casually- you dump everything into boxes haphazardly and throw them on a truck then dump them into your new place; and instead of unpacking you grab a box- rip open whatever side is closest to you at the moment to peak inside to see if what you need is inside. Then at some point throw all of those boxes into a big room and do homework for 40+ hours a week. I've expressed this before as a 'panic move'. I don't mean to be redundant- and this paragraph is more to remind me WHY this chore has been so enormous.
The good news: I've gotten a lot done. I've emptied and sorted several boxes and have moved several large pieces of furniture. The apartment looks a LOT better.
The bad news: I have re-filled each room of my home with boxes. This is because I've had to resort to sorting generally (kitchen, kids, my office, husband's office, bathroom. what is this?, trash, and why do we own this/do we need to keep it, stuff that should've gone into storage)
obviously some of those categories will be easy to sort through. (toss in trash, donate, storage) Other things; while still easy will take more time (everything besides husband's office pile); husband's office pile will be given to him- and he can figure out what to do with it.
|I don't know about you- but this is NOT |
even close to a reflection of my life.
So- when I sat down to type this up tonight I decided to find a different picture for cleaning. Since I think I've used Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle maybe 10 times now.
The first thing I noticed when I started searching for new images was that most of them showed these incredibly happy women doing chores.
Most of the pictures I found were really poorly drawn insanely watermarked clip art- and since I've no interest in paying someone to post a un-realistic portrayal of a woman cleaning that I could draw while half asleep- I kept searching until I found the one to the right here.
|this is more how I feel|
Now this image makes me giggle a lot. Mostly because it strays from the normal thing that you see when looking up 'woman cleaning'
I hate cleaning. I'm not fond of sweeping, dusting is awful 'cause I have to wrap my face like a mummy so I don't sneeze (have to dust to prevent worse reactions though), washing dishes makes me want to scream, folding laundry hurts my back, straightening up a room bores me to tears. Oddly enough I do like cleaning floors- now that I'm thinking of it- scrubbing floors (down on hands and knees) and vacuuming I find pleasant, in their own way. Don't get me wrong though- I still avoid both; I seem to ALWAYS have something else to do to avoid cleaning. So when I decided May 1 I was going to start deep cleaning and unpacking my home I kind of felt like this:
|I had no idea where to start|
|if I have to clean one more second- someone will die|
It's a shame really- I could've been so much more productive. I also didn't have a vision for what the apartment was going to look like- I just knew I needed to clean and unpack.
Not having a plan initially is what let me to drag my feet. I didn't know WHAT I was going to do with anything I just knew I had to do something with it. SO I really got lazy and at some point just avoided the mess- and did everything I could not to even look at it.
Then I finally started to work out in my mind where everything was going.
That is when this happened:
|not joy- this is insanity|
Also it's been nice to WORK.
I still hate cleaning. And organizing. And unpacking. But I like working. I like feeling that what I'm doing has a positive end goal. I also like the way your whole body feels when you're doing something physical and worthwhile. It's a refreshing kind of exhaustion. If that makes any sense.
I look forward to having my home clean- clean homes feel so much more peaceful than messy ones. (I'm not talking cluttered- I'm talking: you cannot move from one room to the next because of the amount of stuff in your way.) I know out there are messy people who will disagree with me- vehemently. I also doubt they read this; but if they do- if you are one of them understand this: I hate cleaning. I'm a messy person by nature, trash and clutter seem to collect around me through no fault of my own. BUT despite this part of my nature I know that I function better when things are cleaner. I'm happier- my depression, while still hard to cope with, is more manageable somehow. I can create and focus on the things I'm creating better when the clutter around me only relates to the project I'm working on. (though once I'm focused you could empty the contents of every room in the house into my office and I'd probably ignore it, but I still need to have the cleaner atmosphere going into the project.)
I'm probably overly defensive about this- but I've been attacked before by saying I can create better if I have a clean area going into a project. It is how I function- and other people function differently.
This mini-rant is off topic a little bit; but meh- I think I'll leave it in.
ANYWAY- I'm still working on getting us moved in. My adjusted goal date is Tuesday the 3rd of June. I think I can achieve that.
I'll try to post about something else tomorrow (like a movie to book comparison for Divergent!)