Hello again

I hope that next month I can get this blogging thing down better- and hopefully I can make the quality of the entries go up... instead of the rapid decline they have been in.  So far much of this month has been 'ahhhh! I have to write a blog post... ooh well; no big deal I had all these awesome ideas of what to write all day.' and then I open up blogger and... mind blank. -_-

I used to pride myself on my writing skills... but I was young and arrogant.  I'm still arrogant I'm just older and arrogant.  

Today I had a tough day emotionally.  All of the struggles I've been dealing with over the past 2 years kind of fell on my shoulders all at once.  Normally I can deal with everything- but sometimes I just feel crushed.  That was today.  However- in spite of this; I got myself out of bed. (ok ok; my kids got me out of bed) and I made a list and tried to be productive today.  I only completed 2 1/2 sections on my list- I hope to finish the rest tomorrow.  Funny how even though I accomplished alot- I'm coming to the end of the day feeling worse than when I started.

To add to my emotional frustrations my daughter tried to kill herself.  (not on purpose)  She failed thankfully; but seriously that girl will put ANYTHING in her mouth... usually not a big deal but she found a small bit of plastic and nearly got it caught over her air pipe.  Fortunately her bodies natural defenses kicked in by the time I rushed into the room and she puked it up.  The thing that makes this so irritating- is that I was in and out of the room every 5-10 minutes to check on her.  She just moves fast.  I keep thinking I have all the toys with small removable parts out of her reach... and then she manages to chew off another piece.  Her older brother helped me gather up almost all of their toys into a big box today- so I'm going to sort through them this weekend and pull out all of the toys that she could potentially harm herself on.  It's not fair to her older brother- he's going to have a lot of his toys out of reach; or possibly gotten rid of.  It seems when we clean up his little ken-ex or Legos (he only has a handful of either) we don't always get all of them off of the floor... I'm always pulling them out of my little girl's mouth.  In any case... I'm just frustrated so I'm venting a little bit.  I don't know what to do about her- because big brother needs to run to the bathroom I cannot just barricade them in their room- and I cannot trap her in her room without her brother... 'cause he needs to be able to get at the toys that are in there.  

I'll do some research and see if I can find some help on the mommy forums.  Something besides me having to hover over her ever second of the day (sad fact is; that just isn't an option while I'm finishing school)

Well; that's all the babbling I'm going to do tonight.

'night all

Nikkie