Tonight is going to be more of a venting post for myself- therapy I suppose. I'm only 3 and a half weeks into this semester and I'm already doubting my ability to finish strong. It isn't that I doubt my ability to draw- through a lot of hard work and tears I've managed to get to a point where I could probably be considered pretty good. No the problem lies in one class in particular. I thought it was going to be a little different then it has ended up being. The class is called 'Conceptual Illustration' I honestly was very excited as I had gotten it mixed up with 'Concept Design' two very different things as I've now discovered. Conceptual Illustration is illustrating a concept or vague ideas. Concept Design is of course designing characters, buildings or whatever you can think of for (primarily) video games. (Visual Development is what it is called when you are designing characters, buildings or what have you for a movie or story book- ultimately very similar).
In any case- I am in the Conceptual Illustration class, and I think I might be in over my head. I'm excited on a more intellectual level to learn to grow and expand my creative process- on a more practical level I'm terrified. Not of learning something new, not of going outside of my comfort zone; but of failing. And not in the way you might think. Failing and learning from my failures is one thing- failing the class and having to drop out of school is an entirely different thing. Thanks to last semester I'm on a tight leash- not that I didn't try hard. I tried my hardest to do my best in all of my classes last semester. I did OK- considering the circumstances. That hardly matters when it comes to the way the University looks at the numbers attached to my record. I dipped below my overall 'B' average and I don't even know what to do now. Well I mean I know what to do- work my rear end off and hope for the best.
I need to let go of the stress because it is squishing my creativity... but that is much easier said than done.
That is all for tonight- I just needed to vent a little.